从上个周末得知情况不是很好, 到准备着四月中改机票把妈妈和嘟嘟先送回国, 到前天中午外婆在睡眠中去世, 一切都来得很快.

外婆是个朴实的老好人, 不懂大道理, 一个人拉扯大五个子女. 这次的中风, 开始于20年前. 看着外婆从还能拐杖走路、到完全躺在床上、到最近几年慢慢身体各个功能都开始衰退。20几年来，有好几次病危，医生都很惊讶外婆能撑那么久。我想一半来自于顽强的生命力，一半出于家人的照顾。

最近的一次手术，虽然手术成功，但外婆的心脏已经太累了。而且已经看到两个太孙，外婆可能想休息，在睡眠中去世，算是最好的结果，没有一丝痛苦。

唯一可惜的是五十多年来第一次离开家的妈妈，却在这个时候没有能给外婆送终。因为要照顾我，给妈妈带来了终身的遗憾，我很内疚。

现在能做的是多照顾好活着的人。我不知道我能为还在单身的舅舅、子女也不在身边的大姨妈、和一直操劳的妈妈做什么，我只能说，我会尽我所能。

订了考试结束第二天回国的机票。最近几年待在上海的时间很少，这个夏天，多陪陪家人。父母在，不远行。

今天总算officially的给summer找了一个方向。整个过程很痛苦，因为大环境的因素，MBA的乐趣至少减少一半。现在剩下的是道选择题:

喜欢的 versus 擅长的 versus 能得到的

和国内、国外的朋友都聊过，现在这个时期，如果不是被lay off了并且6个月之内找不到工作，就先别念MBA. 现实的压力会让很多理想的计划只能停留在计划。毕竟，能有志来business school的人，都是business man/woman, we cannot live without bread!

接下来的一个term, 甚至第二年，想做一些第一年没有做过的事。虽然有很多想法，不过recruiting的过程再一次证明，不用计划太多，变化永远比计划快，要得就是顺流而上，水到渠成。

贴一些最近的照片。毕竟不能纯文字版。

和同学在duke garden, 希望以后能有更多这样的午后，晒太阳、聊八卦。

和嘟嘟在Gymboree, 觉得还不错的早教中心，国内也上过。这里比国内便宜。

嘟嘟的妈妈和外婆都是喜欢逛街的主，无奈嘟嘟依然像爸爸的脾气，最憎恨的之一就是女生逛街。所以，每次在衣服从中待不到10分钟，就嚷着要“嗯嗯”。Southpoint里的family bathroom有小孩马桶。哼，儿子不然老妈逛街，老妈就贴你马桶上的照片。Who 怕who!

昨天突发奇想(其实也是想了很久,就是没有那么强烈)要去打耳洞，看完整整10集《败犬女王》离商场关门只有1个半小时，赶紧换衣服、开车赶过去。住在现在的社区就是这个好处，去本城最大的mall就跟去便利店一样方便。去到Macy’s, 问能不能穿耳洞，BA(卖首饰的应该不叫BA，不管了，意思清楚就行)推荐我去Clarie’s. 连忙赶过去，好多人，都是teenage和他们的父母。说明来意，签了什么协议，挑了耳环，就准备上架了。其实过程很快，据说和国内的一样。排在我后面的audience, 都是小孩。最小的才3岁，还是第二次打耳洞！

所以，如果问我，疼吗？当然不疼，三岁的都不怕，我30岁的怎么可能喊疼？

最近糜烂的不行，其实什么formal的都还没有看到。如果公司和什么什么的一样出尔反尔，那我就绝对下场悲惨。糜烂到什么程度？开始看台剧！原来看美剧最好的借口--锻炼听力--这会儿都用不上。唯一阿Q一点安慰自己，看台湾偶像剧，证明我还人老心不老！;-)

********************************************************

第一年眼睁睁地就要过去了，流水帐报一下上过的课:

- Language Institute: 来duke的第一周，那时候真是青春啊，懵懂啊，快乐啊！

- LEO:　第一次同时接触气势如虹的female professor和文质彬彬的male professor.  第一次被cold call到，也是第一次没有看case的被cold call到，更是第一次意识到没有看case被cold call到也能过关！看这一堂课，学到多少精髓。

- GIE: 如果说LEO是从最后复习开始喜欢上的，那这门GIE是最后准备考试时开始讨厌的。要学的内容太多，结果我连GIE stands for what, 都记不清了。

- Stats: 喜欢数字、喜欢看luka的意大利搭配、喜欢课上的M&M巧克力。

- Accounting: ROI最低的一门课，花了我那么多精力，最后还是云里雾里. 幸好以后公司的帐，不用我做。家里的帐，也轮不到我来。

- Management Communication: 很轻松的一堂课，练练presentation, 越说越上瘾，最后在咱们的Genee, 在Pittsburg的operation case competition，在UNC的online media case competition, 咱么都不怕。

- Business Computer Application: 这个，撞到枪口上了。pivotal table, 谁能有我老板厉害？

- Managerial Economics: 很有用的一门课，只是not my cup, 那那几个曲线图，是最大的收获了

- Marketing Management: 全美b-school里最好的marketing教授之一，华丽从engineer转身到marketing,　让我也看到了我career switch的希望。那个final真是tricky啊，大家都猜到了开始，没有猜到结局。幸好对数字还有点sense, 前面三题计算正确，稳当当SP到手。

- Global Financial Management: 当年考CFA的阴影历历在目，绝对绝对憎恶put, call, 诸如此类。无比坚信，街上的事，离我很远很远。

- Strategy: 算是foundation吧。那些framework, 真是要用到无招胜有招。明明在用五力模型，就是不告诉你！

- Information Management: 居然要用到VBA? 尽管现在经济那么差，我们家已经有一位天天debug的了，需要diversify, 对我，coding不是出路！

- Marketing Intelligence: 和新的团队合作，大家都是抓阄凑到一起。从第一个team assignment的mean一下，到最后一个assignment的全班最高分，我们的learning curve, 很强大。

- Operations: 原来就是干这一行的, queue, SPC, 6-sigma, 多亲切！

- Managerial Improvisation: 做快乐疯子的一周，其实觉得听、说、读、写，这些基本skill, 才是王道，尽量多学、多练。

这学期选了４门课: decision model (必修的选修课)，healthcare strategy & economics(多与时俱进啊，连奥巴马都说，现在的重点，不是financial institute, 而是education plus healthcare! ) , product management (据说是更多涉及brand management), 还有business writing. 今天才开学第一天，这四门课孰好孰坏，以后再说。

********************************************************

难得那么多文字，一文文到底，就当是DOS版blog好了。转贴“败犬”语录, 看过片子的，会更有感触. 

[单无双]

　　1，这个城市有规定出来混的，都一定要两个人吗？我一个人也可以过的很好，因为我是女王～单无双！

　　2，我～单无双，全力奔驰近三十三年，不曾让任何人跑在我的前面，成功的事业，质感的生活，但我回头一看，追我的男人，只剩下这个，根本不该存在这个世界上的～圣诞老人！

　　3，难道女人的胜负，真的必须取决于男人，再不怎样的女人，有了男人就是抬头挺胸的胜犬，没有男人就必须垂头丧气，乖乖贴上败犬的标签吗？BULL SHIT！

　　4，世界上人都在追逐爱情，可是爱情就跟北极熊一样，隔着镜头觉得它很可爱，实际靠近它被它狠狠踩过一脚，就知道什么叫做痛到想死

　　5，二十三岁哭是真性情，三十三岁的女人在大街上哭，可能会被警察带回去调查精神状况啊！

　　6，衬杉的扣子从第一个钮扣开始扣，毛衣要穿高领，握手的力道要适中，人生最好走在常轨里，但现在这是什么啊，这是传说中的一夜情呀！

　　7，梦想是骗子最爱使用的诈术，我已经没有梦想的权利了，与其怀念黑心坏男人，不如吃掉眼前的帅哥

　　8，书到用时方恨少，胸到用时方知垂

　　9，我小学的时候你还只是一颗小小的受精卵。我上大学时你还在流鼻涕。

　　10，上面一个圈，下面一个圈，这2个圈圈是没有交集的，这就是8。

　　11，左边一撇，右边一撇（八），中间隔着一个红海，所以他们永远无法跨越，这也就是八。

[卢卡斯]

　　1，眼前一片海洋，渔夫一把捞起来，满满的都是可爱的热带鱼，可是没有一个是你。

　　2，这个世界上有很多，错过就不会再回来的美好，他们长大就会来不及懂了啦！

　　3，没有生活、没有朋友，像你这种态度，偏偏工作上有很多人，等着你跌倒吧

　　4，下次你记得，不管你多寂寞，永远都不要花钱买男人

　　5，差8岁从来就不是我的问题

　　6，一定会有一个人 带著光剑，代替你对抗黑暗的原动力 。

　　7，只要相信直觉，就一定可以战胜黑暗的力量

　　8，知道误会你，我后悔的要死

　　9，没有节操的草莓特别好吃，要不要咬一口？要不要咬一口？

　　10，做我的女朋友要随传随到...也许我今天和你上床明天就不想再看到你，你心脏够不够大，要不要试试~~~

　　11，如果我是你学长的话，知道你等我六年，我一定会回来找你。

　　12，因为虽然你嘴巴那么臭，可是却在心里为他留下一个，最温暖的位置，你值得他回来找你。

　　13，哇靠，同一个洞耶，会不会太瞎啦？！

　　14，生气是好事啊，生自己的气才有改变自己的动力。

　　15，不想遇到这些鸟事的话，就只有坚强起来，学会保护自己。

　　16，每一个女孩都是公主啊，总有一天你会找到找到自己专署的王子

[柯梦寒]

　　1，回家没人等你，快乐高兴没人分享，伤心难过的时候没地方躲，最后变成一个只有自己，不懂体谅别人的孤独鬼，你可以嫌我这里不好那里不好，可是我跟你保证，广琳哭的时候我一定陪在身边！

[张若基]

　　1，聪明伶俐不是嫁人的助力！是阻力

　　2，我应该管住管不住下半身的你！

[柯有正]

      1，你们的五分钟，会毁掉我辛苦经营的二十年

　　2，这世界没有侥幸，人总要为年轻的错误付出代价

[宋允浩]

　　1，其实北极熊的毛不是白色的哦！是透明的，这是因为阳光的反射，所以让它看起来是白色的呀

[JJ]

　　1，这么老的骨髓我没有吸过，但是待会儿呀，我就算用到牙签抠，我也得吃到

Two news: one about gunman in Alabama, the other about bank industry rescind H-1B offer, give me a strong feeling of unsecure.

Gunman in Alabama slayings was briefly a police officer

A Hiring Bind for Foreigners and Banks

These days, more and more discussions about staying in the U.S. or going back home, not only on BBS, but also among family, friends, classmates… Nothing is perfect and no choice is the best.

Happen to read an article online:

They're Taking Their Brains and Going Home

By Vivek Wadhwa
Sunday, March 8, 2009; B02

Seven years ago, Sandeep Nijsure left his home in Mumbai to study computer science at the University of North Texas. Master's degree in hand, he went to work for Microsoft. He valued his education and enjoyed the job, but he worried about his aging parents. He missed watching cricket, celebrating Hindu festivals and following the twists of Indian politics. His wife was homesick, too, and her visa didn't allow her to work.

Not long ago, Sandeep would have faced a tough choice: either go home and give up opportunities for wealth and U.S. citizenship, or stay and bide his time until his application for a green card goes through. But last year, Sandeep returned to India and landed a software development position with Amazon.com in Hyderabad. He and his wife live a few blocks from their families in a spacious, air-conditioned house. No longer at the mercy of the American employer sponsoring his visa, Sandeep can more easily determine the course of his career. "We are very happy with our move," he told me in an e-mail.

The United States has always been the country to which the world's best and brightest -- people like Sandeep -- have flocked in pursuit of education and to seek their fortunes. Over the past four decades, India and China suffered a major "brain drain" as tens of thousands of talented people made their way here, dreaming the American dream.

But burgeoning new economies abroad and flagging prospects in the United States have changed everything. And as opportunities pull immigrants home, the lumbering U.S. immigration bureaucracy helps push them away.

When I started teaching at Duke University in 2005, almost all the international students graduating from our Master of Engineering Management program said that they planned to stay in the United States for at least a few years. In the class of 2009, most of our 80 international students are buying one-way tickets home. It's the same at Harvard. Senior economics major Meijie Tang, from China, isn't even bothering to look for a job in the United States. After hearing from other students that it's "impossible" to get an H-1B visa -- the kind given to highly-skilled workers in fields such as engineering and science -- she teamed up with a classmate to start a technology company in Shanghai. Investors in China offered to put up millions even before 23-year-old Meijie and her 21-year-old colleague completed their business plan.

When smart young foreigners leave these shores, they take with them the seeds of tomorrow's innovation. Almost 25 percent of all international patent applications filed from the United States in 2006 named foreign nationals as inventors. Immigrants founded a quarter of all U.S. engineering and technology companies started between 1995 and 2005, including half of those in Silicon Valley. In 2005 alone, immigrants' businesses generated $52 billion in sales and employed 450,000 workers.

Yet rather than welcome these entrepreneurs, the U.S. government is confining many of them to a painful purgatory. As of Sept. 30, 2006, more than a million people were waiting for the 120,000 permanent-resident visas granted each year to skilled workers and their family members. No nation may claim more than 7 percent, so years may pass before immigrants from populous countries such as India and China are even considered.

Like many Indians, Girija Subramaniam is fed up. After earning a master's in electrical engineering from the University of Virginia in 1998, she joined Texas Instruments as a test engineer. She wanted to stay in the United States, applied for permanent residency in 2002 and has been trapped in immigration limbo ever since. If she so much as accepts a promotion or, heaven forbid, starts her own company, she will lose her place in line. Frustrated, she has applied for fast-track Canadian permanent residency and expects to move north of the border by the end of the year.

For the Kaufmann Foundation, I recently surveyed 1,200 Indians and Chinese who worked or studied in the United States and then returned home. Most were in their 30s, and 80 percent held master's degrees or doctorates in management, technology or science -- precisely the kind of people who could make the greatest contribution to the U.S. economy. A sizable number said that they had advanced significantly in their careers since leaving the United States. They were more optimistic about opportunities for entrepreneurship, and more than half planned to start their own businesses, if they had not done so already. Only a quarter said that they were likely to return to the United States.

Why does all this matter? Because just as the United States has relied on foreigners to underwrite its deficit, it has also depended on smart immigrants to staff its laboratories, engineering design studios and tech firms. An analysis of the 2000 Census showed that although immigrants accounted for only 12 percent of the U.S. workforce, they made up 47 percent of all scientists and engineers with doctorates. What's more, 67 percent of all those who entered the fields of science and engineering between 1995 and 2006 were immigrants. What will happen to America's competitive edge when these people go home?

Immigrants who leave the United States will launch companies, file patents and fill the intellectual coffers of other countries. Their talents will benefit nations such as India, China and Canada, not the United States. America's loss will be the world's gain.

The title--what a mess of grammar! I know I am wrong, anyway, don’t want to bother to correct my poor writing. I will take the writing course next term. Way to improve.

Actually, quite blue these days. Something easy to others seems so difficult for me! These days may not count to the worst period of time in my life, but at least one of the worst breaks! How can image spending the sunny two weeks in this small and bxxx town?

Anyway, still need to cheer up, for me and for all people around me. Today, we were invited by Hansen’s colleague for a birthday party. It was held in a children’s play ground, very nice place. It’s like a magic world for kids, not sure whether here “kid” also include Hansen and me. We all had lots of fun there. Dudu at first was a little bit scared about this new environment, so I had to or actually I was very willing to show Dudu how to play around. Then, both Hansen and even my mom came to play together. It was amazing that because of Dudu, or all these kids, we all turned to our young ages. As Hansen said, I do need some time to keep myself away from all these worries. This morning was the time, focusing on PLAY!

Enjoy the pictures.

I am not a fan of STAR stories, but still some key learnings!

- A morning away from all these tedious things makes me so relaxed.

- I will also prepare for a b-day party for Dudu next year, no matter he is in SH or in Durham.

- Wow, it is much faster to write a blog in English than in Chinese. Maybe because I am not so gossip when using English. Just like we had an English version of Mafia the other night. It ran so efficient, keep your words short and touch the point!

Oh, some TV series I am following these days.

Same style as Gossip Girl or The OC, about love, friendship, fashion. Just good to kill time. If you want to see life in California, go The O.C. Life in NYC, go Gossip Girl or SATC. Privileged is about life in Florida, in Miami. Since I just spent Winter break there, very fan of this. By the way, who can say No to this face?